What Evil Lurks in the Mysterious Mind of Lickety Split

We finally had my sister-in-law and her family over for dinner and to see our new house. There were 7 adults and 2 kids, Lickety Split and his older brother Not Me. When they first arrived I gave the grand tour which included the living room, kitchen, garage, bathroom, guest room, computer room and master bed/bath. Lickety was with us on the tour but the only room he seemed interested in was the master bedroom. He crawled up on the bed and laid back with his hands under his head. He looked like he was settling in for the night.

After the tour I took Lickety and Not Me aside for a little talk. I asked if they liked my house and if they wanted to come back again. Their answer to both questions was yes. I told them the only way they’d be allowed to come back is if they followed my rules which were:

1. Don’t touch anything that doesn’t belong to you. If you want to touch something ask first and if you’re told no, leave it alone

2. Don’t go into any room that has a door closed

They both said they understood but I later found out, understanding and applying do not belong together in Lickety’s world.

We were sitting at the table getting ready to eat and my nephew yelled at Lickety to get off the speakers. Don has some old stereo speakers about 3 feet high and they’re on either side of the TV cabinet. I guess Lickety had climbed onto one of them and was starting to stand. My nephew had to physically remove him and gave him a time out of about 3 minutes (that's 1 minute for each year, in July he'll get 4 minutes). Dinner was actually pleasant with no incoming food or silverware from the Land of Lickety.

When we finished eating the kids went outside while the rest of us sat and talked. Suddenly I notice Lickety running around without any pants on. He said his brother pushed him down and they were wet, he then proceeds to take his shirt off. A little later Not Me wanted someone to take his picture, he was told we didn’t have a camera and he seemed OK with that answer. About 5 minutes later Not Me announces that Lickety “went into your house.” Since he was already inside we knew that meant he was someplace he wasn’t supposed to be. As I got to the hallway I saw Lickety standing at the far end outside the computer room with my camera held high over his head. That little snot went into the computer room, which had a closed door and found my camera which was on a shelf. I must add it was already dark outside and the light in that room had been turned off by a pull chain which he couldn’t reach. He spent less than a minute in that room during the tour but he remembered my camera was in there and what shelf it was on.

If Lickety ever comes back I’m going to have deadbolts installed on all the doors before he arrives. Better yet, we do have a kennel for the dogs, that and a padlock might work just fine.